The Cell gets my vote; it is, without a doubt, the worst movie of the year 2000. This film contains all the elements that make cinema particularly objectionable, except that here it's wrapping in a slightly--and only slightly--unusual package. The result is that those who are easily amused by gimmickry have been lulled into believing that this film is creative, and god forbid, even aftful.

The story revolves around the character of Catherine Deane, played with oozing sexuality by Jennifer Lopez. She has been working on an exciting new technology whereby she gets to travel into the mind of her patients.

When the film opens, we join her in the mind of a young boy. Obviously destined to be a film cinematographer, this kid sees Jennifer riding a horse through a sandy desert wearing an exotic costume made entirely of white feathers. When we return to reality, we see the technology that makes Catherine's mind travels possible, requiring her to wear an incredible tight red rubber suit and a face-mask of computer circuitry.

Next we meet a serial killer who likes to kidnap his victims and keep them in a glass cell for 24 hours before drowning them. The FBI have been hot on his trial ,and finally catch up with him just as he takes a serious fit and is left comatose with no likelihood of recovery. But they also know that somewhere out there, the killer has left a girl in a glass cell who only has hours to live.

So the FBI go find Catherine and plug her into the killer's brain to help her find the victim. Of course she says yes, and of course the mission is fraught with difficulty. In movies, after all, science is an incredibly reckless endeavor. Only after the gung ho scientist is midway through an experiment do we discover the "but" clause. The clause that means imminent death to the scientist, which they conveniently hadn't mentioned before. Like test driving a new car and not telling the driver that the brakes won't work.

So Catherine's wanderings into the mind of the serial killer, are interspersed with anguished shots of the hapless victim in the glass cell, feverishly beating on the glass. And I have to admit that I felt for her. I too, was feverishly beating on the glass of my watch, wondering how much longer this torture had to go on.

Are there good things to say about this movie? Well, the sound track is really interesting, and some of the shots will obviously rival Madonna videos. But the story, the theme and the whole feel of this film is quite revolting. Lock yourself in your own shower for two hours rather than go see this misogynistic adolescent waterlogged fantasy.


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